Burn it down

im on fire

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 22:28:31 GMT

im not too young.
im not irresponsible anymore.
im not a drunk anymore.
im a goddamn working stiff.
and i wanna be there with you.

i just dont care enough

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 06:53:41 GMT

thats whats really starting to become my take on life. im being fucked up to people and still expecting to be taken seriously.

theres too much im trying to accomplish.
im going after things to go after them... im doing things to look busy... all the while digging holes....

i know that the past 3 months have been crazy, i know the nest 2 are gonna be hell.
i know in the past 3 months ive accomplished more than i did in the previous 8 i also know everything ive accomplished, gotten over, stopped caring, forgot about, is going to come crashing down at full speed in aprox. 72 hours. i know im calm before the storm. im basically a blank sheet of paper right now. worth just as much.

im way to day to day these days.

im plotting ways to make you feel bad.
im plotting ways to rub it in your face.
i dont/cant understand what you did was unintentional.
i dont take what you say seriously.
i dont believe you in general.
i still think your a liar.
i even thought about what to wear.

the above is adressed to some one differently than this.....

as for you.
october 4th will be the best day.
just as the 8th will be the worst.
but i want to check out seattle.
and i hope your reading this.
your weird and alot of the times i dont like you.
but what really makes me sick is i love you.
ill see you soon baby,
and maybe when we see each other we'll find a reason as to why we keep running away.

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 21:45:14 GMT

today i woke up nervous and i will stay that way all day.

jon comes here in a week.
i goto see mike in a month and a half.<3.
you should all know what that means.

i miss you.

sometimes...

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 10:07:31 GMT

life is good.
some times its great. i went long boarding with my friend mike and had more sober fun than ever... i have a new hobby and a new friend.... i wont push my luck.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 09:49:22 GMT

i kill kill kill little girls

dont you come near me... dont you come close to me.

venting and if you cant take....

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 09:56:15 GMT

fuckyou.
my life is a constant mix of real and sureal.
i never know if im coming or going.
i never know if im up or down.
basically i never know.

my life is busy. constantly. from the moment i wake up. im busy. theres always people. everywere. and i hate it. but when i finally get home the first thing i do is call someone. and usually the second thing is see them . ive become so used to people in gereal im relying on them to be there. im never alone . i never think. as im typing this some one is here. watching me vent. do you notice the line were i said i never think? i dont remeber typing that or what it could possible mean. im a contained blast.

im fake from the moment i get to work. i smile. i ask people i dont know how their doing. and i never care. i tell people to enjoy their food knowing it was unsanitarily prepaird. i think im one of the few who know just how sick the world is. how disgusting and scummy people are. its the biggest fucking relief to not have personal expectaions. i dont expect any one to care about me or come back to me, hell i dont expect people to even like me. but in the same beat i dont care about people i dont go back to people, and i sure as hell dont like people. im slowly becoming something much different than what yoiu all know me as. ive always been the first person to call some one a cunt if i thought they were. but its going further than that now.

my mind is to quick to type everything i want to say... to even parafrase everythought i have right now would be next to endless.....

basically if you didnt get anything written above. im loosing ability to feel, think, even talk. pretty soon i dont think any of you will know me at all.

seriously

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:28:23 GMT

i cant stop the thing that always happens when i like some one... it happens everytime. and its happening right now .... and im not bummed about it but 90 percent of everyone is ... and i know its not gonna stop me.
meh.

jon called me today and told me he's coming here on tour .... and is excited to see me.
then asked if i was gonna hug him or punch him in the face .... and i didnt know and he said i hate him more than i love him ... but i dont hate or love him .... i would just like to punch him.

for being a shitty bitch.

sadly im excited, the dead parts of me to punch him. the alive parts of me is excited to hug him.

chillin hard....

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 06:16:29 GMT

and livin life.

my situation rules.
my one objective in life is to keep jessica here...
came up on 60 bucks....
madukes come home tomorrow.....
stopped talking to alot of people......
people are madd gay alot.. but fuck em.....

tried to apologize to mike so shit could be settled and i wouldnt have an arguious drunk dial with him....

i probably wont any way.....
might go to the strip club with my boss .... but im probably just gonna clean the house and get drunk with my cats.... maybe see a boy about some cutness.

not sure.

all i know is i killed it today in every sense of the saying .... fucking killed it....

ps. im chillinhardtonight.

bro...

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 09:14:11 GMT

i think i defined my career pretty well today when i put it like this. my job is to say bro as many times in one sale as possible.

other than that i have the whole day off tomorrow .... i dont know what im gonna do with myself.... probably nothing .... jessica says i should just goto work anyway .... i seriously am considering that right now. beats 6 solid hours of myspace lurking.

lurk hard or go home!

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:53:03 GMT

thres truth in the thunder love in the lightning the feeling is frightening yet isnt it exciting? im something like stormy weather how then would we ever, huddle together?

progress report?

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 07:08:21 GMT

mikes leaving .... i dont mind.
he's picked up a sweet hobby of fucking 16 year olds so obviously hes turned into the man.

i met a boy. and i havent been this happy in a while. despite all the fucked up shit that goes down in my daily life... i get by with a smile.

i got a voicemail from reann apologizing, it was almost humbling considering i never thought it would happen .. i respect her because i couldnt drop it like that. even though i wanted to.
i miss adam clark .. i wish i got more chances to talk with him.

oh yea: biggest thing pissing me off right now RYAN CONSTANZA... he wont leave jessica alone .. hes actually yelling at her right now for something im sure she didnt do .... despite the fact he's been fucking some other girl... fuck him ... i never liked him ... its not even worth my time to let him know he sucks ... for crist sakes .. he has to deal with that ....

all in all life is okay... i smile everyday so life could be alot worse

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 03:22:25 GMT

ha.

lifes ridiculous.... pretty much ridiculous.

honestly ... i dont know which way im going but i dont really care ... i work 70+ hours and i bitch about it way to much ... w/e i guess thats life ... you work bitch and die.... hopefully theres not much more than that to it because im way to tired to feel emotions right now .....

greek dudes are sweet.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 03:27:49 GMT

it feels like ..
the sereal life ..
but its still nice ..
wish i could live twice ..
and i still might ..
if these wounds heal right..
i see a little light ..
even though its still night.

hes the next you know who.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 09:23:32 GMT

went to cali .. now im back... picked up boner... it was sweet.
minor confusion is going on in my life right now .... remeber when i said im in love with a stranger?

well hes not so strange anymore and im still in love ... i was hoping it wouldnt work out that way ... im not up for breakin hearts today.

ROCESTER

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 23:48:42 GMT

I packed a few of my belongings
Left the life that I was living
Just some memories of it
Mostly the ones I can't forget

Whenever you need me I'll be here
Until then my dear
I'm going, I'm going, I'm going there
Don't ask me to make time
To travel back and forth
Let nature take it's course
Maybe I'm open from all these holes ya nailed.
And if it weren't for you I'd be without a care
Setting sail to St. Elsewhere

Anywhere you sit you can see the sun
Unfortunately in this desert I'm the only one
Same rules apply on a rainy day
And it's not such a pretty place to be
It just rains, and rains, and rains on me
Send a simple side, I can understand
Then a flower grew out that sand
Before you knew it, I was back out on that sea
Now I don't mind it so much
Because as long as I'm not there
Anywhere is St. Elsewhere

Way over yonder there is new frontier
Would it be so hard for you to come and visit me here?
I understand
Would you just send me a message in a bottle then baby?
St. Elsewhere

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 01:52:48 GMT

god your such a fucking sucker.
look at your self(=sucker)

way to make me sick.

i need my stranger

no lie

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 08:26:53 GMT

you need to be fucked up to want your this bad.
no pain no gain.
im really attracted to someone i dont really know. but ill get mine. i always do.

truth in the thunder
love in the lighting
the feeling is frightening
yeah isnt it exciting?
im like stormy weather.
if not then we'd never,
huddle together.
do i have to tell ya?
that im also the sunlight that shines shortly after.
i only rain because i have to.
on to a new chapter.
i wish you lots of laughter.
till the next time you see me
just remeber you need me.
im the storm coming.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 03:45:45 GMT

i love shitty ass apologies ... and getting numerous beer bottle broken over my head.... despite the painful headaches and expensive cat scans.

the next time you see me, remeber you need me

WARNING:CRAZY DUMB WHORE DO EXISIT!!!

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 01:33:05 GMT

god i just love so much when people indirectly TALK SHIT!
how about this... get your own fucking life!!!!
is your existance so boring that you have to spend your fucking time judging people and thinking your so much better?YOUR FUCKING CRAZY!

I wish there was some way to knock you off your fucking high horse because youve never fucking done anything outstanding to think your so great.

your a fucking trivial teenager......

how about this...
GET A JOB
GET A HOUSE
GET A FUCKING LIFE
THEN YOU CAN TALK SHIT AND TELL ME TO GET MORALS!

GOD FUCK YOU!!!!!

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 08:06:06 GMT

bury me in memories.

arizona

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 19:48:57 GMT

is doing me right.
3 jobs.

i saw ethan and hes the custest. hey amber get jealous!

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:13:55 GMT

fuck liars.
fuck you.
for.ev.er

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:11:06 GMT

WHATS LEFT TO LOOSE?
I'VE DONE ENOUGH.
AND IF I FAIL,
WELL THEN I FAIL BUT I GAVE IT A SHOT.
AND THESE LAST 3 YEARS,
I KNOW THEY'VE BEEN HARD,

BUT ITS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE DESSERT
AND INTO THE SUN

EVEN IF ITS SO LONG

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 01:40:46 GMT

all im living for is love and laughs

fuck this... NO MORE

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 19:27:54 GMT

im not pissed... im not sad... im not hurt.. but im not over it.
this sucks. it sucks so bad im not even going to coat it in some emo ass analogy as to conceal the identity of who this is about... im sure the two people who comment on my journal already know.... it sucks to be in love with some one who you have to move very far away from, but make an agreement to stay together and be back soon.... to even have a 2 day fucking cry baby fest about me leaving and then call me the whole way and tell me to turn around.... it also sucks when that person stops answering your phone calls and let alone calling and just basically ignores your igsitance as a whole. BUT WHAT SUCKS THE VERY WORST IS WHEN THEY CALL YOU YESTERDAY AND TELL YOU THEY MISS YOU AND HAVE BEEN A DRUNK MESS SINCE YOU LEFT..... OH WAIT that dosent suck the worst, what sucks the worst is when your lurking myspace and you find out their dating some whore with out a chin..... well jon reed.... ive been left for better and i dont care to really hear any further about you or your new life with the bar slut. just so you know, and i hope you do, the passed 2 and 1/2 weeks ive been getting by on songs you used to sing to me, and i hope that right now as im writing this your singing them to her because thats going to make my life eaiser... and since we are both taking care of number one here...... go ahead and send me my stuff that i left there, because i was coming back, but you ruined that big time.

sometimes i thought you were really innocent... but i found out your just a real good liar.