| im on fire |
[Friday
September 15th, 2006
] |
im not too young.
im not irresponsible anymore.
im not a drunk anymore.
im a goddamn working stiff.
and i wanna be there with you.
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| i just dont care enough |
[Monday
August 28th, 2006
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 the best |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
xforxmatx |
] |
thats whats really starting to become my take on life. im being fucked up to people and still expecting to be taken seriously.
theres too much im trying to accomplish.
im going after things to go after them... im doing things to look busy... all the while digging holes....
i know that the past 3 months have been crazy, i know the nest 2 are gonna be hell.
i know in the past 3 months ive accomplished more than i did in the previous 8 i also know everything ive accomplished, gotten over, stopped caring, forgot about, is going to come crashing down at full speed in aprox. 72 hours. i know im calm before the storm. im basically a blank sheet of paper right now. worth just as much.
im way to day to day these days.
im plotting ways to make you feel bad.
im plotting ways to rub it in your face.
i dont/cant understand what you did was unintentional.
i dont take what you say seriously.
i dont believe you in general.
i still think your a liar.
i even thought about what to wear.
the above is adressed to some one differently than this.....
as for you.
october 4th will be the best day.
just as the 8th will be the worst.
but i want to check out seattle.
and i hope your reading this.
your weird and alot of the times i dont like you.
but what really makes me sick is i love you.
ill see you soon baby,
and maybe when we see each other we'll find a reason as to why we keep running away.
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[Friday
August 25th, 2006
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uh uh uh uh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ALL YOU ARE TO ME IS DEAD. 16 BULLETS SPLIT YOUR HEAD. |
] |
today i woke up nervous and i will stay that way all day.
jon comes here in a week.
i goto see mike in a month and a half.<3.
you should all know what that means.
i miss you.
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| sometimes... |
[Sunday
August 20th, 2006
] |
life is good.
some times its great. i went long boarding with my friend mike and had more sober fun than ever... i have a new hobby and a new friend.... i wont push my luck.
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[Wednesday
August 16th, 2006
] |
i kill kill kill little girls
dont you come near me... dont you come close to me.
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| venting and if you cant take.... |
[Sunday
August 13th, 2006
] |
fuckyou.
my life is a constant mix of real and sureal.
i never know if im coming or going.
i never know if im up or down.
basically i never know.
my life is busy. constantly. from the moment i wake up. im busy. theres always people. everywere. and i hate it. but when i finally get home the first thing i do is call someone. and usually the second thing is see them . ive become so used to people in gereal im relying on them to be there. im never alone . i never think. as im typing this some one is here. watching me vent. do you notice the line were i said i never think? i dont remeber typing that or what it could possible mean. im a contained blast.
im fake from the moment i get to work. i smile. i ask people i dont know how their doing. and i never care. i tell people to enjoy their food knowing it was unsanitarily prepaird. i think im one of the few who know just how sick the world is. how disgusting and scummy people are. its the biggest fucking relief to not have personal expectaions. i dont expect any one to care about me or come back to me, hell i dont expect people to even like me. but in the same beat i dont care about people i dont go back to people, and i sure as hell dont like people. im slowly becoming something much different than what yoiu all know me as. ive always been the first person to call some one a cunt if i thought they were. but its going further than that now.
my mind is to quick to type everything i want to say... to even parafrase everythought i have right now would be next to endless.....
basically if you didnt get anything written above. im loosing ability to feel, think, even talk. pretty soon i dont think any of you will know me at all.
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| seriously |
[Friday
August 11th, 2006
] |
i cant stop the thing that always happens when i like some one... it happens everytime. and its happening right now .... and im not bummed about it but 90 percent of everyone is ... and i know its not gonna stop me.
meh.
jon called me today and told me he's coming here on tour .... and is excited to see me.
then asked if i was gonna hug him or punch him in the face .... and i didnt know and he said i hate him more than i love him ... but i dont hate or love him .... i would just like to punch him.
for being a shitty bitch.
sadly im excited, the dead parts of me to punch him. the alive parts of me is excited to hug him.
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| chillin hard.... |
[Saturday
July 29th, 2006
] |
and livin life.
my situation rules.
my one objective in life is to keep jessica here...
came up on 60 bucks....
madukes come home tomorrow.....
stopped talking to alot of people......
people are madd gay alot.. but fuck em.....
tried to apologize to mike so shit could be settled and i wouldnt have an arguious drunk dial with him....
i probably wont any way.....
might go to the strip club with my boss .... but im probably just gonna clean the house and get drunk with my cats.... maybe see a boy about some cutness.
not sure.
all i know is i killed it today in every sense of the saying .... fucking killed it....
ps. im chillinhardtonight.
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| bro... |
[Wednesday
July 26th, 2006
] |
i think i defined my career pretty well today when i put it like this. my job is to say bro as many times in one sale as possible.
other than that i have the whole day off tomorrow .... i dont know what im gonna do with myself.... probably nothing .... jessica says i should just goto work anyway .... i seriously am considering that right now. beats 6 solid hours of myspace lurking.
lurk hard or go home!
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[Tuesday
July 25th, 2006
] |
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thres truth in the thunder love in the lightning the feeling is frightening yet isnt it exciting? im something like stormy weather how then would we ever, huddle together?
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| progress report? |
[Tuesday
July 25th, 2006
] |
mikes leaving .... i dont mind.
he's picked up a sweet hobby of fucking 16 year olds so obviously hes turned into the man.
i met a boy. and i havent been this happy in a while. despite all the fucked up shit that goes down in my daily life... i get by with a smile.
i got a voicemail from reann apologizing, it was almost humbling considering i never thought it would happen .. i respect her because i couldnt drop it like that. even though i wanted to.
i miss adam clark .. i wish i got more chances to talk with him.
oh yea: biggest thing pissing me off right now RYAN CONSTANZA... he wont leave jessica alone .. hes actually yelling at her right now for something im sure she didnt do .... despite the fact he's been fucking some other girl... fuck him ... i never liked him ... its not even worth my time to let him know he sucks ... for crist sakes .. he has to deal with that ....
all in all life is okay... i smile everyday so life could be alot worse
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[Friday
July 14th, 2006
] |
ha.
lifes ridiculous.... pretty much ridiculous.
honestly ... i dont know which way im going but i dont really care ... i work 70+ hours and i bitch about it way to much ... w/e i guess thats life ... you work bitch and die.... hopefully theres not much more than that to it because im way to tired to feel emotions right now .....
greek dudes are sweet.
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[Saturday
July 1st, 2006
] |
it feels like ..
the sereal life ..
but its still nice ..
wish i could live twice ..
and i still might ..
if these wounds heal right..
i see a little light ..
even though its still night.
hes the next you know who.
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[Monday
June 26th, 2006
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
and oh my love ... my love, we both go down together |
] |
went to cali .. now im back... picked up boner... it was sweet.
minor confusion is going on in my life right now .... remeber when i said im in love with a stranger?
well hes not so strange anymore and im still in love ... i was hoping it wouldnt work out that way ... im not up for breakin hearts today.
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| ROCESTER |
[Thursday
June 22nd, 2006
] |
I packed a few of my belongings
Left the life that I was living
Just some memories of it
Mostly the ones I can't forget
Whenever you need me I'll be here
Until then my dear
I'm going, I'm going, I'm going there
Don't ask me to make time
To travel back and forth
Let nature take it's course
Maybe I'm open from all these holes ya nailed.
And if it weren't for you I'd be without a care
Setting sail to St. Elsewhere
Anywhere you sit you can see the sun
Unfortunately in this desert I'm the only one
Same rules apply on a rainy day
And it's not such a pretty place to be
It just rains, and rains, and rains on me
Send a simple side, I can understand
Then a flower grew out that sand
Before you knew it, I was back out on that sea
Now I don't mind it so much
Because as long as I'm not there
Anywhere is St. Elsewhere
Way over yonder there is new frontier
Would it be so hard for you to come and visit me here?
I understand
Would you just send me a message in a bottle then baby?
St. Elsewhere
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[Tuesday
June 20th, 2006
] |
god your such a fucking sucker.
look at your self(=sucker)
way to make me sick.
i need my stranger
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| no lie |
[Monday
June 19th, 2006
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
GNARLS BARKLEY |
] |
you need to be fucked up to want your this bad.
no pain no gain.
im really attracted to someone i dont really know. but ill get mine. i always do.
truth in the thunder
love in the lighting
the feeling is frightening
yeah isnt it exciting?
im like stormy weather.
if not then we'd never,
huddle together.
do i have to tell ya?
that im also the sunlight that shines shortly after.
i only rain because i have to.
on to a new chapter.
i wish you lots of laughter.
till the next time you see me
just remeber you need me.
im the storm coming.
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[Sunday
June 18th, 2006
] |
i love shitty ass apologies ... and getting numerous beer bottle broken over my head.... despite the painful headaches and expensive cat scans.
the next time you see me, remeber you need me
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| WARNING:CRAZY DUMB WHORE DO EXISIT!!! |
[Monday
June 12th, 2006
] |
god i just love so much when people indirectly TALK SHIT!
how about this... get your own fucking life!!!!
is your existance so boring that you have to spend your fucking time judging people and thinking your so much better?YOUR FUCKING CRAZY!
I wish there was some way to knock you off your fucking high horse because youve never fucking done anything outstanding to think your so great.
your a fucking trivial teenager......
how about this...
GET A JOB
GET A HOUSE
GET A FUCKING LIFE
THEN YOU CAN TALK SHIT AND TELL ME TO GET MORALS!
GOD FUCK YOU!!!!!
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[Monday
June 12th, 2006
] |
|
bury me in memories.
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fiveyear_winter's journal